Addictions
by Sebastian Shuu
Summary: So starts as Papyton with a shit ton of problems and ends in Mettaton and OC. Summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

Addictions

AU: They aren't monsters but humans living in a normal world.

Rated M for Mature Content

Inspired by a true events but with the ending I wish the person was given...

Story Song: Kingdom of Welcome Addiction

Pairing: Mettaton/Papyrus, Mettaton/OC

Starts as Papyton but it ends with Mettaton/OC

Honestly this will be an emotional rollercoaster full of hurt, fucked up decisions, self-harm, flash backs, Mentions of suicidal thoughts, but there will also be happiness, pure unadulterated happiness, true love, marriage and so much more. If you are not prepared you may wanna get prepared because here….we…GO!

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 _Promise me. Promise you will always love me. Promise me you'll never leave me alone._

 _I promise._

It had been a long four months leading up to this weekend; I had spent so long waiting to go to my very first con and I honestly didn't give a damn what Papyrus was doing. We had spent so long fighting with each other and barely talking that I had really thought that he didn't want to be with me anymore. As far as I knew we weren't together; the last text I received was 'Whatever Mettaton that's bull shit but whatever. You will do whatever you want anyway so go have a fantastic time!'

"Hey Metta you okay?" my friend, Lauren, asked pulling up to the convention center. I nod, wiping the tears from my face, "I'm good darling! Just had another bad fight with Papyrus that's all and I don't think we are together anymore due to the fact that I haven't heard from him in a month." I had decided that morning that I would not give Papyrus any thought until the weekend was over. "Well get ready to have the best first con ever! We look great! And we are gonna have a great time!" Lauren grins, grabbing her hat from the back as I grab my prop and getting out of the car simultaneously.

Lauren had decided to cosplay as Numba 5 from Code Name Kids Next Door and I, being the fabulous man I am, managed to pull off Juuzou Suzuya from Tokyo Ghoul. I adjusted my wig and the hair pins before attaching the suspenders and adjusting my shirt that hid all of the plastic knives from viewing. The sharpie that marked the stitches he had were finally dried and I was cosplay ready.

When I walked in, I was escorted to the weapon table to have the knives individually tagged proving they were fake. 'Tch that was unnecessary but whatever.' I think to myself as I rejoin Lauren, walking around and enjoying all the cosplayers I met. "Oh my god! It's Juuzou!" I heard someone squeal and next thing I knew I was being pummeled by a girl in cat ears. "Ouch! Fuck that hurt!" I holler out, feeling knives press into my body at all angles. "I'm so sorry! I got a little over excited over seeing your kick ass cosplay!" I chuckle slightly, trying re adjust my shirt to lay more comfortably, "It's okay darling, everyone naturally gets a little overexcited when they see me in a room!" I give the girl my charming smile with the wink causing a blush to appear as her rather tall and handsome friend laughed loudly.

"Oh I just realized we didn't introduce ourselves politely; I'm Sam, cosplaying as a Neko-Ciel Phantomhive." Sam held out her hand for Lauren and I to shake, while the young man looked nervous as he looked at us. "I'm Adrian, cosplaying as Tsukiyama Shuu. It's nice to meet you both." I shook his hand lightly but it would seem he had other intentions; he lifted my hand and placed a small kiss on my knuckles causing me to blush slightly. When he did the same for Lauren, it stung but I could not understand why for the life of me. 'Oh...Papy...' I thought to myself as I looked around the complex while lost in thought.

We fought a lot of course, but Papyrus was the first person to accept me for the person I was not the person everyone 'knew'. Papyrus was the first man I ever fell in love with, but it was so very real not the love I thought I had with my abusive ex. He helped me through all the hard times; the self harming, the voices, the depression, the anxiety and so much more. He was the man that wiped my tears away as he shed his own, he was the man that made my little world brighter in a way. I soon realized a hand on my shoulder and my name being called, "Huh?" "Metta you were zoning out again, you okay?" Lauren asked gently, making sure to keep her hold on my arm in case I need it. I laugh, "Of course darling! I was just admiring all the lovely cosplays around us!"

Everyone looked at me skeptically before laughing as I tried my best to chase down the guy dressed as Grell Sutcliff from Black Butler. I was successful to say the very least as we took a selfie, "Thank you so much Grell darling~!" He giggled before teasing my wig, "Anytime darling~!" Blowing me a kiss and a wink, he sauntered off to his little group not too far from us. "Not bad Mettaton, not bad at all." Sam whistled, resting her arm on my shoulder. Adrian smiled, adjusting his kagune prop around his arm before pulling out the schedule, "So there is a panel coming up in the next twenty minutes, would you both like to join us?" I looked to Lauren, who was looking worriedly down at her phone; "Darling is everything alright?" I ask quietly,

"Daniel hasn't texted me yet today, I'm just worried about him is all." She answered quickly. Something was up but I didn't want to push it in front of all these people, especially two people we only met today; "Do you want to get home and make sure he is there? Or maybe try calling Andy?" I suggested; Daniel was more important than the con at this moment in time. She smiled, "I'll call Andy real quick and if Daniel is home we will go with Adrian and Sam but if not, yes I'd like to get home."

I agreed and went to talk it over with Adrian and Sam; they agreed that if something was up that we should make sure he is safe. Lauren paced back and forth as the phone sat next to her ear, her nails being chewed on out of worry. After ten minutes of calling, Andy had finally answered the call and Lauren had lost all patience with him. I giggled as she ranted and yelled but was relieved to hear that Daniel had only left his phone at work and that was why he wasn't responding to her and he thought she was at work, so he didn't call so as to not bother her. They had their moments, but Daniel was good for Lauren and vice versa. "All good darling?"

Lauren laughed, pocketing her phone, "Yes, the silly man forgot his phone at work. So what panel are we going to?" Laughter filled our little group as we walked to the line forming in the hall in front of room B on the ground floor. The rest of our day and night was a pleasant one and filled with pictures, pocky, and so much more; but time seemed to be our enemy and it was soon midnight and Lauren had to work that morning. As we all had spent the day together, Adrian and I just seemed to click.

We shared similar interests and were the same age, he is currently a college student and works at Food Lion. I only worked for Wawa but I worked hard and long weeks so I understood completely, despite the sweat and dreadful uniforms and shitty people. But as we walked down the concourse, I let my fingers intertwine with his while his kagune hid our hands. He looked down to me and smiled as we walked out into the parking lot; "If you don't mind my asking Lauren, would you permit me to pick Mettaton up tomorrow morning for con? That is if Mettaton will permit me too as well." I smiled and looked to Lauren; she looked skeptical but replied, "I do not mind but I require you both to text me when you pick him up and when Mettaton gets into the car. I'm trusting you but not blindly; I'm off at two so I'll here around four or five. Deal?"

Adrian nodded before looking to me, "Mettaton will you allow me to pick you up in the morning?" I blush slightly, "Yes Adrian, you may pick me up in the morning. Let me give you my number darling." We exchanged numbers around the four of us before going our separate ways for the night. The drive home was nice and quiet while I drove and Lauren texted our boss. I had taken my wig off and allowed my long black hair to fall out and down covering my one bad eye. The damaged one, the only flaw I had.

I heard my phone going off but Lauren held it while I drove so I would not get distracted, "Darling will you turn my phone off? I'm having trouble focusing on what I'm doing." She nodded sleepily, turning it off before falling asleep again; I smiled as I made my way towards her house. As I pulled up, Daniel was sitting on the front porch waiting with Teddy, their puppy.

"Hey Mettaton! Lauren fell asleep huh?" Daniel opened the passenger door and picked Lauren up gently while I gave Teddy all the attention he wanted from us. "Yes darling she did, she and I had a wild day today!" I laugh as I grab her bag and mine from the back seats and head inside to change.

"I'm sure but she is going to hate life when she wakes up in the morning." Daniel commented as he laid her on the couch while their other roommate, Gaster, sat quietly in the chair while reading his book. "Hello my friend, how are you?" I ask quietly as I set Lauren's bag on the inn table. "I'm o-o-o-o-okay, h-how are y-y-y-you?" Gaster stutters quietly.

"I'm okay a little hot but okay." I reply as I take off my costume and fold it all up before placing into my back pack. I slid into a bright pink tank top and a new pair of black skinny jeans. Daniel came back into the living room holding a bottle of Mt. Dew out to me, "Thank you darling! I"m parched!" I kissed his cheek fondly before taking a sip and placing it on the table next to my bag.

Daniel laughed, "Get home safe Metta, let us know when you get there safely." I tie my knee high boots on securely and nod, "I will don't worry Danny boy!" He scowls before picking Lauren back up, "Good night silly man." I smile slinging the bag across my chest and grabbing the skateboard sitting in the corner of the shoe room, "Good night handsome!"

I slid ear buds into my ears and turned my Ipod on shuffle before pushing off into traffic while soft music played into the quiet night.

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I quietly slipped into my house, trying not to wake my parents up as I calmed my breathing down. It was well past three in the morning and if I was to get caught, all hell would break loose. My dog came prancing into the living room, tail wagging like crazy while I set the board next to the shoe rack.

"Hey there handsome, how's my favorite puppy doing tonight?" I coo quietly, as I walk up the stairs. He barked super soft like I'd taught him as I opened my door and allowed him in. After locking the door, my clothes came off leaving me in only my pink thong. I shivered as I brushed my teeth and gave my pup his nightly chew that cleaned his teeth and gums.

I brushed my hair next while singing quietly, "Come here Rin, time to brush darling." He sat obediently as I ran his brush through his fur, humming quietly as I did so. Every night was the same for us; teeth, brush, medicine, and music as we slept. Rin was the thing that made my day a little brighter as we spent so much time together between work and being out with my friends.

Rin licked my hand as I spaced out bringing me back to our world, "Don't worry sweetie, I haven't forgotten you." I fed him his vitamin from the counter while I grabbed my anti-depressant, "We will make it honey I promise." I smile as he rubs up my thigh and I rub behind his ears; next was his favorite part of the night. He ran up and hopped into bed, taking his place at the head of my bed laying his head facing my door.

I put my pillow against his stomach and ribs and turn off the light as I settled under the covers, "Which playlist tonight Rin? Four or Five?" I taught Rin yes and no responses as well tapping numbers; he tapped my hand four times.

I smiled putting on the music on low before snuggling into the pillow before putting my hand on his paw. Rin licked my hand, both of us falling into a steady sleep.

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Hi guys! New one and I realize Mettaton is slightly ooc but he is a teenager, well before he becomes famous. So he will slowly develop into the shinning star we know! I swear!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Hello everyone! New update and hopefully this will be a good one. I'm also sorry for my absence, I lost my uncle and have been trying to cope with it the best I can so please forgive me.

Alright so this chapter is mostly about Metta and Adrian but this is where Papy gets involved. So bear with me and try not to lose your shit at my terrible writing skills. xD

ps: *-is Metta texting, ^-is Adrian texting, Italics is an action and the past

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 _BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_

I crack my eyes open to see that it was about eight thirty in the morning. Groaning, I turn the alarm off and stretch while Rin yawned and proceeded to lick my face, "Good morning to you too handsome." I pause our music, hearing the yelling from downstairs as I walk to my bathroom; ' _Already at it and it isn't even noon yet.'_ I spend the next hour or so cleaning myself up and getting my cosplays together for the day and putting my make up on while my mother and her boyfriend went at. At some point my phone went off, making me jump and almost mess up my make up; it was Adrian telling me good morning. I smiled, *Good morning handsome~*

^How did you sleep?^

*Pretty decent, Rin was up most of the night though.*

^Who is Rin?^

*My dog! And my very best friend at that, we do just about everything together nowadays*

^I can't wait to meet him. :) Any who, con is about an hour from opening and I was wondering if you'd like to get breakfast before hand.^

I smile even bigger as I adjust my wig onto my head, *Yes I'd love that*

^Sweet, I'll pick you up in about a half hour?^

*Of course darling!*

I send him my address, and finish packing my backpack with my other two cosplays and a few other things. Rin barks happily as I walk back into the room, "What is it boy?" I look outside to see a slick black Dodge Charger in my driveway, ' _Huh? Dick head nor Mom own that car.'_ By the time I put two and two together, I heard my mother yelling upstairs, "Mettaton! Your friend is here!" I grin grabbing my bag and phone before heading downstairs with Rin right at my feet; however, the Adrian I saw yesterday was now a sweltering mess of sexiness before me now. He was cosplaying Bon from the Seven Deadly Sins and I was in heaven; "My my what a sight before me~!" I swoon as I waltz into the kitchen, mother shaking her head at me and my antics. Adrian smiled, "Well I do aim to impress. How are you this morning?"

I smile, setting my backpack onto the table, "I'm good now that I'm showered and looking as gorgeous as ever!" My mother again shook her head at me before setting down two pills and a cup of orange juice in front of me, "Take these and down the whole glass." I rose an eyebrow at her, "New medicine from the doctor for you know who." I popped them both and downed the cup of juice, "Thanks mom." I pulled my med box from my backpack and popped it open, "May I have two more? I'm spending the night out in Hampton with some friends from high school. Don't want to miss any." She dropped them both into my Sunday container, "Be safe and text me before you go to bed okay?" I nod, giving her a big hug, "I will mom, I promise."

Adrian picked my backpack up for me and scratched Rin behind the ears, "I'll take good care of him ma'am, I promise." I smiled at him but my mother kinda of shocked me, "Please do, I worry and I'm glad he has someone there for him. That isn't me of course." She kissed his cheek, making him blush full on as I tried to hold back a giggle, "Alright time to go!" I about half dragged Adrian out of my house in embarrassment as he waved back at my mother, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

He laughed as he opened the passenger door for me, "Don't worry about it, she only means for the best for you." I slip in and shut the door as he walks around to get in the driver side, ' _He is so handsome and kind.'_ Once he was in the driver's seat, he took the jacket off and damn did I enjoy the view; he leans over, "So where to?"

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We decided on Waffle House by the time we had got out to the convention center; unfortunately he put his jacket back on but he still looked amazing with it on. The host that sat us rolled his eyes as we walked in and led us to a back corner table, "Alright, what would you both like to drink?" I smile, "Orange juice please." "I'll have coffee please." I smiled as I look over the menu before looking at him; his furrowed brow was amusing as he looked over the menu. Eventually he had decided upon the steak breakfast while I would have smothered and topped hash-browns with eggs and bacon. "So what's your story?" Adrian asked, taking a sip of his coffee. I laughed, "What?"

"What's you story; who are you, what you aspire to become, what are your dreams and fears. What is your story?" He grins, taking another sip. I stare blankly at him; no one had ever asked me a question like this before. ' _How much should I trust him?'_ I thought to myself as i played with my straw; I smiled, " Well that is a big question there sir." He grinned, "Well I want to know more about you, as much as I can find out in a single sitting." I laughed, feeling my gut start to hurt, I knew I was about to puke; "Excuse me." I rushed to the men's room and released the contents of my stomach.

I was still having the problem of not being able to eat regularly and going out made it even harder. I stepped in the front the sink and rinsed my mouth out, trying not to mess my make-up up and try to get myself back together. Adrian sat looking out the window, our food untouched and drinks refilled; I took a seat with a bright smile, "Sorry about that! Medicine gives me morning sickness." Adrian smiled, "No worries, I hope you will be okay though."

I nod and dig into my food, "I'm from a small town in the mountains but I don't know who my parents are. I have bounced from home to home till my parents, Jane and James, found me in the group home. I've lived with them since I was ten and they gave me the best of everything. I never ever gave them a reason not to love me, or to send me back. But now at 20, I know my mom loves me and I can only hope that my dad loved me too. I aspire to be an actor and a writer someday but I don't know where I'll go from here but I will try my best to achieve my dreams. I fear nothing as I've seen and been at rock bottom, the only way from there is up."

Adrian took a sip of coffee, "That is quite the story Mettaton. I'm from California and have two moms; I've lived here for the past nine years. My parents both work for, ironically enough, Sony. The big movie company, I've been guaranteed a job when I turn 24 so as I can have more time to enjoy life and travel before settling into the workforce. I aspire to be a movie director at some point but for now it's one day at a time. I fear being alone for the rest of my life."

It amazed me that we were so vastly different yet I couldn't help but be drawn to him; my phone started ringing and interrupted our quiet breakfast. I picked my phone up and saw it was Papyrus, "Oh shit." Adrian rose an eyebrow, "Is something wrong?" I smiled forcefully, "No just my boss calling is all, I'll be right back." I stepped outside and hit the answer button, "Yes?" "That's all I get now is a yes?" Papyrus asked.

I sighed sliding a hand into my pocket, "Good morning Papyrus, what's up?" Papyrus growled, "Must you be so unpleasant?! I just wanted to call and say I'm sorry. I'm stressed out and I miss you and the fighting has made my temper really short. I am currently on my way to your place, I have the day off and mom finally is letting me drive again." I bit my lip, "Papyrus I'm not at home. Today is the second day of con and a friend came and picked me up for breakfast."

"Who is he Mettaton?!" Papyrus shouted. _'Shit he is pissed.'_ I thought as I tried to calm down, "He is a friend I made last night with Lauren and we decided to spend the morning taking pictures and going to panels until Lauren and his friend get there later tonight. Will you take a chill pill? I'm not an object for you to own, and I will hang out with whoever I want." I hated being shitty but this had to stop; Papyrus growled again, "I'll be there shortly." The call had ended before I could say no.

I made my way back inside to find Adrian signing the bill looking worried; "What's wrong?" he asked. "My boyfriend is on his way out here and he is pissed." I say trying to calm my nerves down. Adrian reached across the table and took my hand in his, "There is more pain and fear there than what you are telling me. Please let me in." I blinked back tears, "Before I came to con yesterday, me and Papyrus had been fighting a lot and that's all we seemed to do whenever we talked. I haven't spoken to him since my birthday when he told me that he didn't know why he was still with me. As far as I was concerned, that was him breaking up with me. So I spent days at a time curled up in my bed, not eating, talking, drinking, or anything. I shut down. Later I realized that I wasn't living my life being in my room depressed, yet I couldn't control it. Rin was having a hard time adjusting to me being this way and it wasn't fair to him. But then again Rin doesn't like Papyrus, never has; he wouldn't let Papyrus hold me when we were in bed, would sit in between us on the couch, under the table at dinner and so much more."

Adrian chuckled, "Usually if your dog doesn't let them do anything without protecting you, it means they don't trust them. But it's okay, if you want I"ll take a step back and let you and your boyfriend figure this out. I will not come between the two of you, I don't work that way." I laughed shakily, "I don't know what I want anymore." I really didn't and Papyrus coming here would make shit harder than it already was. Adrian giggled, "Look, let's head to the convention center and get these pictures over with and go to a panel. Deal?" I nodded grabbing my phone off the table, "Please."

So we did exactly that; we spent the next half hour getting our pictures taken, Adrian as Bon with the rest of the Seven Deadly Sin group while I had mine taken as The Joker with all the other Joker's. Afterwards we made our way to The History of Yaoi Panel, getting some great laughs out of it and two free doujinshis and a discount at the Dealer's Room. My phone went off as I asked a question making me falter slightly; Papyrus was here and looking for me. I walked out of the room feeling nauseous as I told him where I was. I leaned over the balcony, watching through the large crowds of people trying to find him. He charged through the crowd wearing a red tank top and cargo shorts, snow white hair covered by a hat that said 'Bone Daddy'. My nerves grew ten fold but I looked over at Adrian; "Adrian?" He looked at me, "Yes?"

"Kiss me."

Adrian looked nervous but asked, "Are you sure, he is looking at us from the stairs." I nod, "I need freedom from him and I need you to kiss me to make him disappear." Adrian wrapped an arm around my waist, "100% sure?" I look up at him, "100%." He nodded before leaning down and kissing me softly, he held the back of my head gently and helped me lose myself in his embrace. His lips were soft and warm, like the sun unlike Papyrus's cold and chapped lips. I heard Papyrus yelling my name from across the way causing me to break that kiss and look across the way. Boy was I ever glad I had changed out of my cosplay before hand.

Papyrus stormed over to us, glaring at us both, "What the absolute hell Mettaton! What the fuck happened to 'I'll love you forever Paps'? Who the fuck is this?" I looked up at him, "Papyrus as far as I was concerned you broke up with me two months ago! On my birthday! Do you really want to get into this right now?!" He grabbed my upper arm tightly yanking me to him, "I never left you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone before. I'll be damned if he takes you away from me." I whimpered, "Papyrus let me go, you are hurting me."

He laughed, grabbing a handful of my hair and yanking it back hard, "That's not what you say every time I fuck you." I whimper again; "That's enough!"

Adrian yelled before shoving Papyrus away from me; Papyrus stepped up to him and pushed back, "Last I checked I'm his boyfriend, not you. You don't tell me when to stop. You aren't a part of this and as far as I'm concerned, you kissed him therefore I should be knocking you the fuck out." Adrian growled, pushing me behind him, "I will protect him from you at all costs. As far as I'm concerned you don't deserve him at all ever. Let's go Mettaton." Adrian lead me away as Papyrus yelled, "You can't just walk away Mettaton! You need me damn it!"

I was crying at that point and wasn't paying attention to where we were going but I trusted Adrian. We ended up in the bathrooms at the opposite end of con where no one was due the panels being finished for the day. Adrian set my bag on the counter before lifting me up to sit on the counter as well. He grabbed a paper towel and got it wet before lifting my chin, "May I?" I nod slightly; he wipes my face off gently making sure he gets all my make up. He throws the paper towel away before looking back at me; I leaned forward and kissing him again.

This time it was a little more forceful but I wanted to kiss him again, uninterrupted and not fearful. I pulled the wig off his head, running my fingers through his sweaty hair pulling him closer. Adrian grips my hips tightly, pulling me close as possible to him. I didn't know why I was kissing him again, my now ex boyfriend could barge in here at any second but I needed this; to feel loved, wanted, to be touched, pleasured, and special. Adrian gave one last peck before looking into my eyes, "God damn that was a hell of a kiss." I smile looking at his hair for the first time; it was blue?! "Holy shit! Adrian your hair is blue!" I exclaim, running my fingers through it again.

This time he laughs, "I know, I asked my mom if she was okay with it and she said whatever made me happy. Do you like it?" I kiss his nose, "I love it." We chuckle before silence overtook the room; "Adrian, thank you for protecting me from Papyrus. He can be a bit scary considering how tall he is and how he towers over me."

Adrian smiles, "Not a problem, however I do have another question for you." I grin, "Absolutely darling." He laced his fingers with mine, taking two steps closer to me before laying his forehead on mine, "May I have the privilege of calling you mine?"

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That's all for now!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Hello again! It's been a long week and it was an even longer weekend seeing as I went to NEKOcon! I was with the rather large Attack on Titan group walking around if anyone was there! So we will now continue with the story cause I have an idea where it is going from here but I will say this:

Every story I have written I knew the ending before I started writing.

Also PSA: I have posted the prologue to the book I am writing called 'Lifetime in Repeat' on Wattpad. If you like my work, stop by there and check it out! You can find me under skeleton_levi_20.

This chapter might be a bit of a tear jerker so have some tissues ready!

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Mettaton's POV

After the fiasco with Papyrus and Adrian asking me out, I was a whirlwind of emotions at this point but it was mostly happy emotions. I finished cleaning up and changed into my evening outfit for the rave before we headed for our little group of friends waiting for us in the Game Room. I slid my hand into Adrian's as we walked through the sea of people, smiling a little as he talked about something random.

Once inside the Game Room, we quickly found our little group playing Rock Band with a large group behind them watching and some filming. "Hey guys!" shouted Miku aka Stazy as she rocked out on the drums. I smiled as they played like a bunch of goofs; once the song was over, everyone switched but no one wanted to sing until Levi aka Grace shoved me in front of the mic. I glared as she giggled, "Not funny Grace!" Adrian smirked, "Nope it was totally funny! Come on Metta, show us what you got." I blushed but instead of argue I scrolled through the list.

I finally selected one that I knew by heart and that was overplayed on my Ipod, _'Kingdom of Welcome Addiction'_ by IMAX. Everyone was a little uneasy, "What's wrong?" Eren aka Sam cleared his throat, "We didn't peg you for the sad music type is all Metta. But we can do this one!" I smiled as the loading screen came up, _'Come on you can do this! Think about Papyrus and Adrian! Think about the first time you heard this song!'_ The music had began and I took a deep breath:

 _ **Do you remember your coming in down**_

 _ **Forced to take sides?**_

 _ **Your taunted charm and your broken smile**_

 _ **Touched me unexpectedly**_

 _"Hi I"m Papyrus!" I smiled as I shook his hand, "I'm Mettaton, it's nice to meet you Papyrus." His smile was lopsided yet full of life and happiness while my smile was small and a little less bright._

 _ **So long**_

 _ **So long you've waited in line**_

 _ **Desire is a gift in life**_

 _ **So long**_

 _ **So long you've left and arrived**_

 _ **It's time for you to stay a while**_

 _His lips were cold yet they were eager to kiss as they my warm ones. I had invited Papyrus over for dinner since my foster parents were on vacation and I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend. His hands were strong as they creeped up my back as I kissed him deeper. When he went to remove my shirt, I froze and broke our kiss. Papyrus looked worried, "Did I do something wrong?" I bit my lip, "I don't know if I'm ready for that yet." He gave me a warm smile, "If you aren't ready then I can wait. I will wait forever for you."_

 _ **If you chose life**_

 _ **You know what the fear is like if...**_

 _ **You welcome Addiction**_

 _ **This is your kingdom**_

I was trying my hardest not to cry in front of these people but god was it hard when the memories came flooding back.

 ** _Your fight for power_**

 ** _For memories, answers and signs_**

 ** _Will bring you through the dark to light_**

 ** _Clear and redefined_**

 _"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?!" I whimpered as he stormed around my room throwing my things as he screamed and yelled. Rin was protecting me from him by standing between us. "I didn't do anything wrong Papyrus." I say, hoping that he would calm down but I was way wrong. He stormed to me, "Every time we have some alone time that damn dog is with us and prevents me from touching you! Every time we try to have sex you pull away at the last second leaving me with a raging hard on while you pretend nothing happened! How did I do something wrong?!" Rin was growling as he got closer to me; I was scared and didn't know how to stop what was happening._

 _Papyrus grabbed Rin and threw him into the hallway before slamming the door shut; Rin whined and scratched at the door. I got up to get him back and get away from Papyrus but he had other ideas; he grabbed me this time and flung me onto my bed before pinning me to the bed with his weight. I was terrified now as I started struggling and crying, "Papy! Please don't hurt me! God please don't!" I was hysterical but I felt his hands holding my face, "What makes you think I'd hurt you? It hurts at first but after a short while it feels better I promise."_

 _After he said that...I no longer had a say so..._

 _ **Too long**_

 _ **Too long I waste for these**_

 _ **Emotionally sucking life**_

 ** _Too long_**

 ** _Too long, you waste and right_**

 ** _It's time for you to recognize_**

 _"I love you Metta." he whispered in my ear as he held me. I let a tear fall as I realized that I loved him too much to leave him..._

 _ **If you chose life**_

 _ **You know what the fear is like if...**_

 _ **You welcome addiction**_

 _ **This is your kingdom**_

 _I was laughing at some dumb joke he told as we made dinner which turned into a food fight._

 _ **If you chose life**_

 _Papyrus hitting me for the very first time and making my nose bleed._

 _ **You know what the fear is like if...**_

 _Our 1 year anniversary and Papyrus had made me a romantic dinner and dessert. He placed a box in front of me; I gasped as I found a beautiful ring inside that was obsidian band with a pink gem. "I promise to love you unconditionally and that I will marry you one day."_

 _ **You welcome addiction**_

 _I was laying in a pile of glass. Papyrus had slung me through the sliding glass door in the downstairs den of his home. I could barely open my eyes and I knew I was loosing blood fast. "Mettaton!" he yelled. I tried to get up but I couldn't move. The next time I woke up, I was in the hospital, "Glad you are awake young man! I thought we were going to lose you after that nasty fall." I should have known better, he lied to them._

 _ **This is your kingdom**_

 _I was laughing as we were leaving a movie one night after work. "Look Papy! Snow!" I shout as I walk out from under the awning and into the falling snow. I was laughing as it hit my face before squealing with delight as Papyrus swept me up in his arms. He kissed my nose, "I love you Metta." I smiled kissing his cheek, "I love you too Papy."_

As soon as the song ended I fled the room as cheering enveloped us all but I kept going before breaking into a full on sprint into the crowd of people. I didn't stop moving until I was in the stair well, away from everyone and all the noise in the back half of con. The memories were flooding my head as I sat under the bottom stair case curled up in a ball in the corner; I started crying and hyperventilating as I remembered every promise, hit, 'I love you', broken bone, kiss, slap and everything in between, crushing my heart and mind as I tried to breathe.

* * *

Adrian's POV

I was in awe and I couldn't unglue my eyes from him even if I was about to be killed. Mettaton looked so at ease yet he looked as though he was struggling with something internally. He sang with so much passion and emotion that it literally brought you to tears; I saw the tears in his eyes and I was worried for him but I didn't know the best way to help him without knowing what was bothering him.

Once the song had ended we had all erupted into cheers but Mettaton had taken off, so naturally I chased after him, "Mettaton!" He broke out into a full sprint into the crowds of people outside of the room. I made my way through the groups of people while hearing our group yelling my name behind me; "Adrian hold on!" Sam yelled. I stopped in my tracks, having lost Mettaton and was starting to panic; he didn't have his phone and we had no clue where he might have gone. "Adrian we are gonna find him but we have to work together." Sam said as everyone finally grouped up. I nod and turn to them, "Okay we split up, there is enough of us to look everywhere he might be. Everyone keep their phones in their hands and keep each other updated; if one of us finds him, let us all know where and we meet there. Agreed?" Everyone nodded and split up; Sam, Stazy, Jackie, Grace and I took the bottom floor. Sydney, Max and Levi took the top floor while Jamie, Mikasa, Sans and Sophia took outside the con.

I was searching the back half of con by Panels 1 and 2, making sure to ask everyone I could if they had seen Mettaton come by. My phone had gone off a few times but no one had seen him; "Excuse me sir?" It was a young lady who was dressed as a vocaloid character, "You said you were looking for a young man with long black hair?" I pulled up a picture of him on my phone from today, "Yes! This is him, his name is Mettaton!" She looked at the picture before getting excited, "Yes he ran by just a little bit ago! He went into the stairwell just over there!" I ran towards the door shouting a quick 'Thank you!' behind me before dashing into the small space. I didn't hear him but I found him just as I went to go up the stairs hiding beneath me.

"Mettaton!" I shouted, he wasn't moving but I could tell he was breathing even if it was shallow. I dropped his bag next to us before pulling him into my arms checking for a pulse, funding a very weak one but one nonetheless. I dialed Jamie who picked up on the first ring, "Adrian did you find him?!" Swallowing through the lump in my throat, I replied, "Yes please gather everyone and meet me outside Panel Room 1 and have someone call the paramedics!" I hung up and pulled the backpack over my shoulders before picking Mettaton up and walking out to our little family.

"Adrian!" Stazy had yelled as she spotted me; everyone surrounded us as Max stood a little to the side talking on the phone. "Adrian I need your help. " Max said as he put the phone up to my ear as we moved to the side and put Metta onto the small couch. I ran through all the questions as we kept watch over him; about twenty minutes later the paramedics showed up and asked that we back up and let them do their job. I paced as they checked him out, "Sir he is waking up." One of the paramedics called out and I rushed to their aid.

"Mettaton! Are you okay? What happened?" I asked in a rapid succession. His smile was small but he was awake, "I couldn't breathe properly and I passed out I guess." I sighed in relief as the medics sat him against the arm of the couch, "Do you need to take him to the hospital?" The man shook his head, "No if he is coherent then we can leave him here however would you mind if I spoke with you?" I nodded and allowed our group to go talk to him while we talked, "What's wrong?" The man sighed, "I don't know if you noticed but he is very pale and too thin. I can almost see his bones and his blood pressure is super low which means he hasn't been eating or drinking today. I can not leave in good faith and allow anything bad to happen to him. So we are going to take your group to go get something to eat, for all of your health."

I was shocked, there were 16 of us! "Sir please of there is anything we can do for you please don't hesitate to say something!" I say quickly, trying to show our gratitude. The man chuckled, "Let's get everyone together and get over to the Chinese buffet across the way." I gathered everyone from their spaced out spots, "Guys we are all going to get something to eat, courtesy of these kind paramedics so please make sure to thank them." Everyone gave there thanks as we packed up and headed out of the center and to the ambulance that we all loaded up in.

I gently grabbed Mettaton's hand and pulled him into my lap, my arms automatically wrapping around his waist and my head resting on his shoulder. I felt him rest his cheek on top of my head, "I'm sorry if I scared you Adrian." I smiled, "It's okay, I just thought I was going to lose you." His hand came up to to grip my shoulder, "I'm sorry Adrian." I dislodged my head from his shoulder and look up at him, "Mettaton it's okay, and we don't have to talk right now. We can talk later tonight in our hotel room, when it is just us and you can be open. For now we are going to get you some good food before we head back to the convention for the rave." He nodded, kissing my cheek, "Okay Adrian."

* * *

Mettaton's POV

I yawned as we all piled back into the ambulance to head back for con; the E.M.T.s were kind enough to buy us all dinner before getting us back to the con in time for the rave. They were kind enough to drop us off by the entrance and give us all a friendly reminder that we need to eat and drink fluids to stay healthy. I smiled as our group re-entered the building, struggling to find our badges and getting out of the way of all the others coming in. Adrian handed me the backpack before squatting down,"Come on Metta." I flushed trying to hide it, "Adrian what are you doing?"

"Giving you a piggy back ride to the rave, come on goof ball." I laughed, hopping onto his back and wrapping my arms around his neck, "Alright fine." He stands back up and leads our group to the upstairs portion of our night, all the while we all talk and laugh. Adrian set me down and took three others to check out the rave merchandise table while the rest of us set our bags and props together up against the wall. I was helping Jamie out of her 3DMG when all of a sudden I couldn't see anything, "Jamie what is happening?!"

A chuckle, "I just put a hat on your head Metta don't worry." I sighed in relief that it was only Adrian, "Thank you, you didn't have to." I removed that hat to find it was a light up snap back with the Team Instinct logo on it with yellow lights around the brim of the hat, "How did you know that this was my favorite?" Adrian smiled, eyes lit up by the blue visor covering his eyes, "Because I happened to be perusing your Facebook page and saw that you were." I smirked, poking his chest, "And am I correct to assume that you are Team Mystic?" The group collectively laughs as we finish getting ourselves together; he smiles, "Yes you are sir."

I lace my fingers with his as we show our badges and step into the loud and crowded room; once everyone was in, we went to left and made our own little spot to dance and laugh; however, the room kept filling so we had to make the circle a little smaller. I felt better in the dark room, no one could see my eye or who I was; I could dance with my family and not fear the judgement.

 ***Time skip brought to you by the writer being absolute fucking shit!***

I laughed as Adrian pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, "Look I don't care what you say, Staz falling over the volleyball was hilarious!" Adrian was laughing harder than I was as he shut the car off, "But not nearly as funny as Jean giving Levi a piggy back ride!" We got out of the car still laughing as we grabbed our backpacks, "We have a crazy group of friends." I smiled as I wrapped an arm around his waist, "We do but they are like a little family, our little family Adrian." We walked in silence until we reached the front desk, where Adrian checked us in and we were given our key to room 452.

It didn't take long for us to reach our room and as soon as the door was opened, I was collapsing on the huge king size bed, "Yes this is nice." Adrian laughed, "I'm going to shower, why don't you order something to eat?" I rose an eyebrow, "Adrian it's one in the morning, who even makes food this late?" I was thinking hard about it while he took off his wig and shirt and pulling out his wallet, "There is the pizza place next to us that does more than pizza, that cool?" He ruffled his midnight blue hair while kicking his shoes off, "Yeah that's cool. What do they have?"

I ran through the list before we decided to do four apps and two cheeseburgers with fries; while he showered I was changing into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt waiting for our order. "Hey I'm gonna go get drinks from downstairs, want anything in particular?" Adrian asked as he stepped out of the bathroom. Not paying attention, I look up and immediately freeze and blush; he was only in his boxer briefs and damn was he ripped. Every inch of him was defined and still slightly damp, my brain going into over drive, "Um whatever you are having is fine." He nods, grabbing a pair of sweatpants from his duffel bag, "Alright I'll be right back."

As soon as the door was shut, i screamed into a pillow after making a slight fool of myself, "Why does this always happen to me?" _Knock knock_ I got up and found our delivery man holding a huge bag, "Adrian Crevan?" I nodded, "Yep that's us, thank you so much sir." After exchanging food and money, I proceeded to set it our late night dinner up on the table right by the window, positioning everything just right before taking a seat in the left chair. The door opened and I smiled as his face lit up as he kicked his shoes off again, "Wow you really have an eye for display Metta." Adrian sat a coke in front of me before sitting down across from me with a huge smile; I blushed but returned the smile, "I am a perfectionist sometimes but I've had it beaten into me for a long time."

The mood had taken a drastic turn; Adrian cleared his throat, "Mettaton...what happened with Papyrus today that you haven't told me yet?" It was several minutes before I had the courage to answer, "It is a long and sad story Adrian. I met Papyrus in high school and felt like he was the one meant for me to spend forever with. When we started dating everything was great; he was the sweetest, most kind man I had met in a long time. Everything was fine until one evening when we had my house to ourselves for the weekend. My mother loves Papyrus and my father did too so they trusted the two of us alone together; my father had bought me Rin as a birthday present a year before Papy and I started dating. We had tried...being intimate...before and I wasn't ready after being sexually assaulted at twelve. He had started yelling at me about how it was always my fault that we never got further than heavy kissing. Rin was keeping him away from me until he snatched Rin ad threw him out the door. That was my first experience of sex...and my boyfriend raped me."

I took a deep breath, wiping some tears away; Adrian reached for my hand, holding it tightly as we paused to eat more. I sighed, "After that night, I never told Papyrus no for the fear that he would leave me. I depended upon him so much and I loved him so fiercely that I never told anyone what happened or told him to stop. Papyrus's family has a history of anger issues; his father, his older brother and even his grandfather. He told me to never ever worry about him hitting me because he had more standards than that. I should have left the first time; he had made a derogatory remark about my best friend and I told him to shut the hell up or get out of my house. He looked at me like I had grown three heads and when he asked me what I had said, I went to repeat it...and he back handed me...making my nose bleed. I was shocked, too shocked to do anything except tell him to get out of my house before I called the police. I was a fool to think it would stop; after that time he spent all his free time with me trying to fix the damage he had done. Papyrus even said he loved me and that is what broke me ultimately in the long run. It was another year before he hit me again; he threw me over my living room couch because I went to leave the room while we were arguing. Each time it got worse and each time I forgave him like an idiot."

I was crying hard now and it was so hard to breath without sobbing; Adrian covered the food before helping me out of my chair, "We are just gonna sit on the bed." I nod letting him lead me wherever he needed. He pulled the covers back and set up the pillows before sitting back against them, "Would you like to sit in my lap?" I nod again crawling into his lap, wiping my tears away, "I'm okay now, thank you Adrian. The last time Papyrus abused me was in July; I had gone over to his house because I hadn't seen him in at least a month due to work for him. When I got there, his brother Sans was fighting with him about having me over. Something about how their dad would be furious if Pap didn't ask first. I called out from the kitchen, their father said I could come to the side door whenever I came over and I had heard Sans yell for me to come down to the den. As I stepped downstairs, I noticed that the room had been torn apart and Papyrus's hand was bleeding. I rushed to help him but he started to yell that it was always my fault that he was angry or hurt. He was so angry at seeing me that he threw me through the glass sliding door."

I took my sweatshirt off and showed him the massive scar that stretched from shoulder down to my ribs and curved down to end at my hip, "We he threw me, the large piece that was stuck in the door is what got me like this. The next time I woke up, I was in a hospital and Papyrus was sitting next to me fast asleep. He told the doctors that I had came running downstairs when he yelled in pain, and tripped over the rug which launched me through the door. That hurt worse than my side did. After that we had started fighting more, he started working more and I tried to avoid him without raising suspicion. Then he said he didn't know why he was still with me on my birthday and that was the last time we talked. I don't want pity or you to hurt him like he hurt me, I told you because I trust you and I just want to be loved, cherished, and paid attention to. I want happiness and freedom and to be open. I just want-"

I was cut off by Adrian kissing me softly yet deeply, holding my face so gently. I smiled into our kiss, placing my hands over his; he gives me three gentle pecks before resting his forehead against mine, "You deserve all the happiness in the universe Metta. You deserved to have all of that and so much more. I hope I can give that to you, and I hope you will give me that opportunity." I laughed, tears coming back, "I want to give you that opportunity Adrian, so much. I just ask that you be patient with me and please don't break me again." He shook his head, "I promise I will, I will do everything absolutely possible to make you the happiest you can be." I smiled, cupping his face and giving him a deep kiss in return before turning our light out to let the city light up our room. "We have a longish day tomorrow so let's sleep." I say, crawling out of his lap to lay on the bed.

Adrian yawned before pulling the covers over us, and pulls me into his arms, "Good night Mettaton."

I smiled, "Good night Adrian."

* * *

Helllllllloooo everybody! Glad you are down here! Stay tuned for more and don't forget to favorite and follow! ~Bastian


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Love the Way You Way Lie

Sorry for the delay...

Anyway, this is a flash back chapter and it is not a pretty chapter. This flash back is one of the times Papyrus abused Mettaton and when he had 'sex' with Mettaton; there have been several occasions in this story where Papyrus has hit Mettaton and I want to write each one out so the reader can get a feel for what Mettaton is going through.

Also I'm not entirely sure how to go about writing this and I am not trying finesse it. This is going to be a challenge for me as a writer and as someone who has seen what it does to people. If I make a mistake please for the love of everything forgive me for that mistake. I am trying to challenge myself, and I know that sounds horrible but I want to get better at writing and I'm best at writing the harder things. So bear with me.

So fair warning now. There is triggering material this chapter; rape, severe physical and verbal abuse, lots of cursing and mentions of self harm. Please proceed with caution and as always, don't forget to leave a review.

* * *

I knew he was acting odd.

My parents were gone for the weekend and had decided to trust Papyrus to stay over with me at the house. Granted I had Rin so they weren't too worried that something would happen to me. We had made dinner together again, which happened to be his favorite night of our week, and had finished cleaning up when he pinned me to the counter. I was used to him doing little things like this to try to turn me on or tell me he wanted me in a sexual way.

"Papy darling what are you doing?" I giggle softly, brushing his white bangs out of his eyes.

He smirks, pressing his body against mine, "I have no idea what you are talking about Metta dear."

I raise an eyebrow as I wrap my arms around his neck, "Honey you have me pinned to my counter and are pressed flat against me. You are up to something."

His head lowers as he starts kissing my neck roughly, "I want you Mettaton."

I couldn't help the shiver that crawled down my spine as I felt those lips over my skin, "I know you do Papyrus, but I don't think I"m ready for that."

He growls as his teeth nip my collarbone, "You're never ready Mettaton; don't you trust me? I won't hurt you ever and you know that."

I sighed, pushing him back by his chest before walking towards the stairs, "Papyrus we have talked about this. It's not that I don't trust you, I am just not ready for that yet."

I hear Papyrus growl again as Rin comes bounding over and barreling past him to get to the top before us. I smile at his antics, ruffling the top of his head gently as I reach the second floor. My room was the only room on the second floor due to my parents wanting to keep me safe in case of a break in; not that it ever happened but it made sense to me and I never questioned it.

"And why not? That happened over four years ago!" He ground out as I walked into my room, Rin immediately hopping onto my bed as I close the door behind Papyrus, "It may have been four years ago but for me it feels like four months ago! That was the worst thing that had ever happen to me and I don't want to relive it every time I decide to have sex!" I sit next to Rin and stroke his fur gently, not trusting Papyrus in his angry state, "I'm sorry I'm not ready Papyrus, it's not something I can just get over easily."

"I'm not asking you to! I'm just asking that you'd trust me to take care of you even when we do things like this!" He growls, knocking over a few things on my vanity. I jump slightly, "I do trust you but I"m not ready for that step." More things fly off my vanity and he moves to knock things off my dresser, "Then you don't trust me! If you did, you'd let me show you that I'm not gonna hurt you!"

At this point Rin had moved to sit in front of me, his ears pressed flat against his skull; I swallowed nervously, "Papyrus I do trust you! I'm not ready for sex yet!"

That was all it took; "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!?" He was screaming at this point, raging as he continued to tear up my room like it had done him harm. I was terrified as I backed myself against my headboard, "I didn't do anything wrong Papyrus." He charged towards the bed, making Rin back up in-between my legs while growling, "Every time we have some alone time, that damn dog is with us and prevents me from touching you!" I was shaking violently as he inched closer, still yelling, "Every time we try to have sex, you pull away at the last second and leave me with a raging hard on while you pretend nothing happened! How did I do something wrong?!"

Part of me wanted to run but I ad nowhere to run to; I was trapped in my own home with the one person who promised he'd never hurt me yet we were here. Rin snapped at him as he reached out to touch me, causing him to growl and grab him by the scruff of his neck and toss him out of my room. With the door shut and locked, Rin was left in the hall to scratch and whine at the door as I was left to the mercy of my boyfriend. I tried my best to evade him, to get to the door and downstairs to the phone for help but I wasn't fast enough. Papyrus grabbed my arm and flung me onto my bed, pinning me down by my wrists and hips with his own weight.

I started to hyperventilate, pulling and pushing against him, "Papyrus! Please don't hurt me! God please don't!" I couldn't breath and all I could do was shake and cry; his cold hands found their way to my face, wiping the tears away, "What makes you think I'd hurt you? It hurts at first but after a short while it feels better, I promise." I choke on a sob as he kisses me roughly, keeping my arms pinned as he does; I was terrified and I couldn't breath.

I don't remember him taking my clothes off because I didn't fight him, I laid there and let him have his way while I cried. It hurt so much when he finally pushed into me; I cried out from the pain, choking on another sob while he moaned and bit his lip, "Fuck Metta." I wasn't even turned on and I doubt he noticed as he rocked his hips, making the burning and sharp pain ache and throb more.

I squeezed my eyes shut and cried more as he continued to thrust into me, trying to let my mind wander off into a far away place. But his voice still found it's way into my mind and ears, "Ngh Mettaton! You are so tight baby!" I cringed and cried more, still pushing against him albeit weaker than before, "Papyrus." I tried to get his attention, hoping the pain would stop and he would see what he had done but it helped none. He only went faster and harder, making the pain even more excruciating than it was before.

It felt like days before he was finally finished, not even bothering to pull out unlike the last guy who did.

It was silent except his soft pants and the sounds of him pulling his boxers back on. I curled up on the end of the bed, crying still as I blocked everything out again.

* * *

When I woke up, my room was cold and empty. I looked behind me and Papyrus wasn't there but there was a note:

 _Metta_

 _Had fun last night. Sorry I didn't kiss you goodbye, I had to get back home before Dad got back from the lab. I'll be back later this afternoon after work._

 _Love Pap_

I shuddered at the thought of him coming back today, my skin crawling at the memory of what he did to me last night. I stood up on shaky limbs, cringing at the feeling of the dried stuff between my legs and down my thighs as I opened the door to let Rin in. He was whimpering as he moved between my legs, "I-I'm o-okay Rin." I smiled at him weakly as I walked towards my bathroom, only to fall and yelp in pain. My lower back hurt like someone was stomping on it repeatedly as I crawled towards the bathroom.

I didn't dare look into the mirror, I knew what I'd see if I did; I slowly and numbly turn the faucet on in the tub, letting the water get warm before plugging the drain. Rin sat by the toilet as I pulled out a first aid kit and our special bubble bath soap; I knew I had bruises and a cut or two from him tearing Rin off me the night before. I made quick work of the couple of cut on my arms before pouring the soap in the still filling bathtub.

My parents would be back tomorrow morning. It felt like eternity for me now that I was back in the same place I was four years ago; broken, scared, used and alone. I hiss in pain as I lower myself into the steaming tub, "Fuck!" Rin moved to the edge of the tub, licking my hand as a sign of support; I smile through a wince as I finally sit fully down, "Come on then."

For a dog, Rin was quite graceful when getting into the tub; he didn't make a huge splash and didn't go crazy like usual, which lead me to believe that he knew something was wrong. We just sat there in silence for what seemed like hours but was only half an hour before I finally started washing myself and Rin. I couldn't help feeling numb as I cleaned myself, it was like trying to wash away a stubborn stain on white cloth. I scrubbed until my skin was red as a lobster and stung from the water hitting raw skin.

Even after that I still felt dirty and used. I was more gentle with Rin when I was washing him, making sure not to hurt him as I had been a few hours before. He sat still and licked my face every now and again as if he was giving me reassurance that I was okay now that he was here. After rinsing him off, I curled my legs against my chest and wrapped my arms around them before crying again.

The man who promised he'd never hurt me or force me into sex, had done both those things in a matter of a few weeks. I should have known better if I was honest with myself; I cant defend myself and no matter what, my wants or needs don't fucking matter. He was no different than the man before him. Rin's cold nose pulled me out of my pity party as he tried to wedge his nose between my legs and arms. I look up at him to see big, sad puppy dog eyes and a whimper, "Oh Rin, I'm sorry sweetheart." I wrap my arms around him and hug him gently, trying not to cry again but failing miserably.

Not once did he move as I cried into his damp fur, staying by my side as i relieved myself of all the hurt inside. I wasn't sure how long I sat there but once I was done crying, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest slightly. After draining the tub and drying Rin off, I took my time to dry myself off and blow dry my hair.

I still couldn't look in the mirror when my hair was wet because of my broken eye; I felt deformed and odd when it showed so I always waited until my hair was dry and covering my eye before looking into the mirror. It was also a constant reminder of what I went through and it's not something I wanted to be reminded of every single time I look in a mirror. After pulling a pair of loose sweatpants on, I stare at my body in the mirror; bruises here and there from work and the fresh ones from yesterday. Cuts from Rin's claws and scars from the many self inflicted cuts. I looked like Frankenstein's monster and it hurt like hell to admit that to anyone, especially myself out of everyone else.

I was a weak willed man and knew I shouldn't do it.

But it didn't stop me from doing it.

I pulled out my best friend; a sharpened steel razor blade that had been the very thing to take away the pain when I was in high school. I hadn't resorted to him in a very long time but today was different, I needed to feel something other than broken or used. I hissed as I drug the cold metal over my ribs, feeling the dull ache of familiarity seep into my being and skin.

I craved that feeling once more so I continued slicing over my ribs, moving to my hips and chest as I cried once more. The sting of the cut and the smell of copper helped me feel something again, I even smiled as I sliced my arms roughly causing them to bleed steadily but not enough to require medical attention. Once I had finished, I looked once more in the mirror and felt broken and hurt. It took the pain away but only for a little bit, I was still broken and used when it was done.

I washed the razor off and put it in the zip-lock container of alcohol I kept in the drawer before getting a wet wash cloth and wiping the blood off my ribs and chest. I took careful movements as I covered each side of my ribs and my chest with gauze pads and an ace bandage to keep them firmly against the cuts. My arms were horrible once more as I poured alcohol over them, hissing slightly as I patted them down and rubbed ointment over them. If my parents found out I was hurting myself again, I knew it'd end badly and that my dad would be disappointed with me.

Two more gauze pads and two ace bandages later, I flicked the light off in my bathroom and padded to my bed. Rin was sitting at the foot of the bed, holding my favorite hoodie in his muzzle while wagging his tail. I smile and rub in-between his ears while taking my hoodie from him, "Thanks sweetheart." I pull it on before crawling into bed, lifting the blanket for Rin to crawl under before nuzzling my pillow and turning on my tv.

* * *

I felt arms around me.

I shove against the chest in front of me, squirming in pain to get away, "Let go!"

"Mettaton calm down! It's Papyrus!"

I froze and opened my eyes; sure enough it was Papyrus. I sighed in relief before tensing up again, "How did you get in?" He sighs, "I left the back door unlocked just in case you were sleeping when I came over." I nod slowly, looking for Rin, "Where did Rin go?" Another sigh then a growl, "Outside. He wouldn't let me in bed until I put him there." I move to get up but wince and freeze as he grabs my arm, "Let go. I want Rin back in the house." He yanks me back into the bed, wrapping his arms around my hips, "He will be fine Metta. Can we just cuddle? For a little bit until I have to go home for dinner?"

I sigh, opting not to fight back because of the pain I'm in, "Fine."

He presses a kiss in my shoulder, "Thank you."

I stare at the wall blankly, playing with my hoodie sleeve for a while before he finally says something, "Hey Mettaton?"

"What Papyrus?"

"I love you."

My breath hitched, eyes welling with tears as I fight to keep my voice steady, "I love you too Papyrus." I knew I did, that's why I kept giving him chances to change. He just raped me and yet here I am, in his arms willing to give him another chance because I loved him.

And the circle would never end.


End file.
